Forty-three years and COUNTING!! Happy Anniversary to US!!

Today is Aug. 5th ~ 

43 years ago, at the tender age of 19 (I know, I look about 14 in my wedding pictures), with only a year and half of college under my belt, I made the most important decision of my life – I married James Alex Abney on August 5, 1970 in the Los Angeles LDS Temple for “Time and All Eternity.” The rest . . . as they say . . .  is history!

We met in a college (BYU) snowball fight in November of 1969, started dating the end of January, 1970, got engaged, April 20^th and married August 5^th (all accomplished in less than a year). Were we crazy or what? Luckily, things have turned out well. Not that it’s been all sugar and spice. It’s been darn hard, but for where we are today, so worth it.

Thought I would share the story of the bright flowered bridesmaid dresses; a story I don’t think many of my family members have heard over and over, if at all. 

Back in 1970 the style was for bridesmaids to all wear the same pastel color, floor-length empire style dress, usually made with flowing sheer rayon voile fabric. Nope. That would never work for me. I LOVE color – I mean I REALLY love lots of BRIGHT vibrant colors – just go to my Pinterest Board (Color Splash – I LOVE Color) and see what I mean.

My mom and I decided to go to the fabric district in L.A. so we could have a large selection. Holy Cow! Too many stores with rows and rows of fabric. It was dizzying. I told my mom that I at least wanted to find a floral voile fabric. She had her doubts but we began to search the shelves of material.

And then, it happened. My mom didn’t MEAN for it to happen. She was trying to make a joke. She saw a bolt of the brightest yellow fabric with crazy colored daisies (one of my favorite flowers) on it. Mom picked up the bolt, showed it to me and said, “Here you go. This one has flowers on it.”

My eyes lit up and I reached for the flowered material as my mother tried to snatch it back out of my grasp. “This is perfect, Mom! I LOVE it!!”

“Yes, but I was only kidding.”

“I’m not. Let’s buy the bolt.”

And THAT is how we got my very BRIGHT bridesmaid dresses. I think my sister was always secretly glad that she was the maid of honor, and as such, her dress was solid yellow (her favorite color) with only a band of the floral print. (And the band for the bridesmaids was solid yellow).

People went through our receiving line with their eyes WIDE open!! It was such fun!! I LOVE these dresses.

Fun dresses at the wedding are no guarantee, that’s for sure. We’ve had plenty of struggles, financially and otherwise. We buried our youngest son nearly 13 years ago when he was just 16. We’ve each buried both of our parents. In fact, for Jim – his dad, Kenneth Abney, died in a plane crash when he was only 9. Then his step-dad who had been part of his family since Jim was 11 died in 2000; same year as my dad, his mom and our son (my mom passed away at Christmas time in 1998). Those were all some challenging times. And there have been other things that might surprise someone looking in from their vantage point, but that’s just life. We’ve weathered lots of things but where we are today, is a very wonderful place to be. Many wonderful experiences as well to round out the edges of our life together. So, here’s to many more years with Jim. Cheers!!

When Life Gets Too Hard to Stand, Just Keep on Rolling

Had a book review posted online at Deseret News. Pretty amazing lady:

Meg Johnson, a Utah transplant from Idaho, is an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a sought-after motivational speaker, author and artist. She is also a quadriplegic. Johnson shares her sunny outlook on getting through life’s rough spots in a new book, “When Life Gets Hard …”

You can read the entire book review at this web address: Book Review for "When Life Gets Hard"

Enjoy!!

"Playing for Light" ~ innovative and clever

Innovative: To promote change and/or to alter by introducing something new
Clever: showing inventiveness or originality; ingenious

I LOVE it when someone is innovative and clever. Remarkable things happen. I'm particualry fond of the simplicity of the solution and int ingenuity of those involved that created a solution to the lack of light for students in Africa to do their schoolwork in the evenings. Hope you enjoy this short clip:

Dishwater Redemption

I'm a little hesitant to share this poem. I happen to really like it and if you don't, I probably don't want you to tell me. :)

I first wrote this many years ago when our children were still young.Then, a few years ago, I worked on is some more and hence, the 2007 copyright date.

It is a true experience and has been a life-long reminder to me, although I have a long ways to go! It's also quite remarkable that it even happened as I married an awesome man who DOES DISHES and he does so much more often than I. However, on this particular night, I was up late doing the dishes.

I do ask that you not copy or use this poem, especially without my express permission. And I hope you like it...

Dishwater Redemption

The house is quiet.
My husband and children are asleep.
The silence of the room is interrupted
Only by the sounds I make while washing the dishes.

As I pick up each dish and rinse away our dinner,
I am reminded of the meal we enjoyed together.
The chatter of the children as they spoke of their day
Lingers in my mind and I feel a sweet contentment.

I’m nearly done when I notice my well-used cookie sheet,
Standing at the back of the dish drainer;
Even though I have washed it thoroughly,
It really doesn’t look very clean.

The evidence of so many batches of cookies baked
Over and over again until it looks tarnished and brown.
When it was new, it sparkled and shined.
Now it is discolored and scratched.

And for some reason, tonight, this bothers me.
I take the cookie sheet from its resting place and
Plunge it back into the warm, soapy water.
But I am unable to rid it of the baked-on grime.

I reach in the cupboard for an S.O.S. scouring pad
And go after the suspect brown specks with renewed vigor.
I pay special attention to the inside corners of the cookie sheet.
This proves to be especially satisfying and I continue until it shines.

It has been reborn and I can see my reflection in it.
And suddenly, I realize… I am like the cookie sheet.
I’m not dirty by any means, but perhaps,
Not quite clean enough either; I have lost some of my sparkle.

Leaning against the sink I know what I must do.
I will take upon me the S.O.S. scouring pad of repentance
And work and pray hard to be shiny and clean,
Until the Savior’s image shows in my countenance.

I plan to keep my cookie sheet as bright as it looks today
And with a few repairs here and there, and a heart full of love,
I can do the same for myself, that I might be more useful
To those I share this earthly space with.

Who knew? Sometimes, there’s not much difference between
A neglected ol’ cookie sheet and a life too busy to notice
Some of the sparkle and shine has faded.
Yes, S.O.S. pads are a beautiful thing.
                                             ~ © Stephanie Abney 2007

The Beauty of Friendship

So, the day is nearly over and I am thinking about friendship for several reasons today; three in particular. 

One, we went to the AZ State Fair with our dear friends, Ike & Diane Hathcock. Both of our families have been busy raising kids for many years but tonight we went just by ourselves and we were all able to get in at the SENIOR price (Sorry, Diane!! Ha ha ~ you only have to be 55 to get a discount at the fair). So, for $5 bucks each and the price of some food, etc., we had a great time. We have known the Hathcocks for 27 years (lived across the street from each other all these years - our kids grew up together; well, we had a head start and now their youngest is a senior in High School - ours have been out of the house for awhile). Their friendship is priceless.

Two, while we were at the fair we ran into a sweet friend of mine, MaryEllen Simmons, (amazing mom of a bazillion kids - okay - that number may be too high - but she had a bunch and fostered about 10 times that many over the years). She's a fun lady who can see the humor in the most trying of situations and a talented writer and crafter. She's been a delight to know and now she works at the fair helping young people share their talents in the large exhibit hall under the coliseum that she is in charge of. Just seeing her brought back so many memories and made me smile. I love friends that are always friends even when you don't see them that often (of course, FaceBook has gone a long way in keeping friendships alive when you don't have frequent contact). 

Third, when we came home, there was a lovely little bouquet of "BJ's Flowers" waiting at the door, left by my sweet friend, Kathy Thompson. When our youngest son, BJ (Brian James Abney) passed away 11 years ago after a five and a half year battle with leukemia, the Relief Society sisters prepared a luncheon after the funeral for our family and close friends, as is the custom in our church. On the tables were small pots of little yellow flowers (still not SURE what kind they are - Kathy is pretty sure they are mini mums, but they have this BROWN center that makes me wonder - anyway, not's that important - they are darling). When the luncheon was over, Kathy took a couple of pots and planted them in her yard and despite not having the best of luck with most plants - these little guys flourished. The following year, and every year thereafter, on or around Nov. 8th (the day we lost BJ) she has brought me a small vase of "BJ's Flowers." There are a few more interesting details but they aren't needed for this post. My main point is that she could be so thoughtful and caring to do something like this that reminds me each year of my precious son.

The examples of friendship throughout my life and especially during BJ's illness and passing are beyond anything you could imagine. I have been SO BLESSED in this regard. And I'm lucky to have such great friends. I know they care about us and that's why they have been so wonderful but I also know that they care about the Lord and because they love Him, they also love me and mine. It's a beautiful thing and so tonight, as always, I'm grateful to have such remarkable friends. You're probably one of them if you are reading this!!

Think about your friends and a favorite memory. And then, call them up, remind them of it and tell them how happy you are to be friends. You'll both be glad you did!

Live in Daily Thanksgiving

Thessalonians 5: 18 “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (Holy Bible, KJV)

Alma 34:38 “… and take upon you the name of Christ; that you humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you.” (Book of Mormon)

 

From two scriptural sources we can read that the Lord is counting on us to give thanks daily, for every single thing, good or bad. Hmmm. How are you doing with that one? Been complaining lately? Life is often hard, there’s no escaping that fact. It’s usually inconvenient; but when all is said and done, it’s still amazingly wonderful.

I’ve lived a long time (and I hope I’ll be of sound mind and health to live a lot longer – I’m pretty fond of waking up every day). Two very important things I have learned along the way is that first, we’re not in charge. And second, we need to GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! The Lord sees things from the beginning to the end. He knows what will bring us growth, joy, benefit … even if we don’t see it at the time. He can do a lot more with our lives than we can if we were left in charge. We just need to be grateful for the lessons that come and the results they bring. If it’s still hard, then He isn’t done yet and we need to be patient and long-suffering.

It’s easy to be grateful for the good things; the beauty of the earth, wonderful people and opportunities in our lives, food on the table, a roof over our heads and gas in the car, just to name a few blessings. But it’s dang hard to be grateful for health challenges, terminal illnesses, difficult people, lack of anything, accidents, lost homes or jobs; in fact, loss of any kind. It’s difficult to be grateful when our feelings have been hurt or worse. In either instance, there are lessons to be learned. We learn from both abundance and lack, from success and failure and learning to take things as they come, with a grateful heart makes the tough stuff a little easier to deal with.

I need to work on this. I suspect most people do. I only bring it up because these are the verses and thoughts that came to my mind when I wondered what I should write about for Day 2 of blogging every day in November. I didn’t choose a “gratitude” blog for the month – although it’s a great idea – I just was hoping to post something of worth (for myself and hopefully for anyone reading this) every day. So, there you have it. A grateful heart … NO matter what. What do you think?

Day 29 – Let's Write a 5 W’s Poem

Day 29 – 5 W’s Poem 

This is an obvious poem, but can be a sweet one, or a silly one, or a serious one, depending on what you fill in. This poem answers the 5 W’s: Who, What, Where, When & Why.

I suggest you go to the Instant Poetry Maker on this one (it will include your punctuation for you when you click on the box “Create My Instant 5W Poem Now!” button. 

(Tomorrow is our last day)

Here is the link: Instant 5W poem creator  (it also has an example)

Below is the one I wrote inspired by a Christmas I will never forget for so many reasons. Christmas was my mom’s all-time favorite holiday and we lost her to pancreatic cancer exactly one week before Christmas of 1998. I was in California all month with my mom, dad and sister. (The rest of the family joined us for the funeral and we buried mom 2 days before Christmas). Back in Mesa, while I was gone, BJ didn’t have any money but wanted to make me a gift. I collect nativities so he decided to make one, from scratch, without a pattern, except for the vision in his head. He had leukemia and was given a freestanding woodworking workshop with electricity and power tools as his wish from “Make-A-Wish” and so he set out to create the most memorable nativity of my collection of about 50 nativities. It is so precious, as was he. Two years later, BJ lost his battle with cancer too. I cherish every reminder of who he was, what he stood for and how he loved. This one is most precious.

Brian James Abney
Made his mom a wooden nativity,
In his "Make-A-Wish" woodworking workshop,
For Christmas in 1998 when he was 14 years old,
Because he loved his mom and she collects them.

                            © 2011 Stephanie Abney

Book Review - The Waterfall Concept: A Blueprint for Addiction Recovery

The Waterfall Concept: A Blueprint for Addiction Recovery
by Roger Stark, Silver Star Publishing, 192 pages, $19.95 

This is a fabulous book!! No matter what habits or addictions steal your time and/or your happiness, you can find the tools in this book to be extremely useful. I'll post my more detailed review for my regular Book Review blog once I get permission from MormonTimes.com ~ in the meantime, you can follow the link and read it there. Then I would love it if you came back here and left a comment and then followed the last link to Deseret News where you can leave comments and leave one there as well. Thanks so much!!

Roger Stark's own journey of recovery gave him the desire to become an addiction counselor. Now he shows others the way to healing through one-on-one counseling, at recovery retreats and in his new book, "The Waterfall Concept: A Blueprint for Addiction Recovery." Read the Complete Book Review at Deseret News

Communication at the Speed of Light

We are busy people… probably TOO busy. Yet, I haven’t a clue what I could possibly leave out since there are so many things that I feel like I should do, that I seldom find time to do. So, whenever we have lessons at chruch on gratitude and people raise their hands with all of the obvious answers of being grateful for love, family, gospel, prophets, temples, freedom, and so on, I say a hardy, “Amen.” And then I raise my hand and tell everyone that I am grateful modern electronic technology. That’s the absolute truth. I do it every time. I LOVE email, blogs, cell phones, voicemail, online photo albums, FACEBOOK, Classmates.com and the like. I’ve even learned how to text.

The thing that I love best about all of the above is that I can use them completely on my own terms and my own timetable. I read my email (and reply) when it suits me. The same applies for voicemail or checking out my FACEBOOK pages. And while I was sleeping, or teaching or traveling or whatever… someone left me a message or a link or some information that I need or want and when I get to where and/or when I want to look at it or listen to it, I am free to do so, even if it is in the middle of the night!

When our son, BJ, was so ill with leukemia, there were well over a hundred people who wanted to know how he was doing. Blogs did not yet exist as that would have been the best, I think. But I used email to stay in touch with everyone, even people in my own family, neighborhood and ward. It made it so that I did not have to repeat all the details over and over (which I could have never endured) and everyone knew what was happening, how they could help, what prayers were needed, etc. The support that poured in and enveloped us like a comfortable quilt carried us through the most difficult days of our lives. I wrote everything out once (which became my only journal of those times) and I clicked on all of the addresses and “poof” people all over the country (and even a couple out of the country) were thinking of us and our sweet BJ. I cannot tell you how much their reply emails helped us on several different levels.

From Classmates.com I reconnected with a few of my dearest friends in high school… and thirty years after our glory days, we met up in Hawaii for eight days of heaven on earth. We all remain in touch today and wish for matching schedules that would allow us to go to Hawaii again!

I’ve hooked up with former classmates, ward members and friends from the past through FACEBOOK and find it useful in keeping up with all of them (including family members). I also think part of the spirit of Elijah is being fulfilled as connection after connection occurs all over the world. ~ "Malachi 4: 5 Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD; 6 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers..." It’s a wonderful thing.

So, yes, I’m grateful for electronic technology. However, it can’t take the place of the personal touch. Just yesterday I went visiting teaching and gave my sister a card that read on the cover, “In this fast-paced, busy world, when you need friend, just pick up the phone and call me…”

Inside it said: “And leave a message after the beep.”

BOOK REVIEW: A Mighty Heart by Mariane Pearl

I finished A Mighty Heart: The Brave Life And Death Of My Husband, Danny Pearl
by Mariane Pearl the other day. In some ways it reminds me of Three Cups of Tea: One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace . . . One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. Both take place mostly in Pakistan and both are so powerful that you reflect on them for days and even weeks to come. Both have some rough language but it was nearly transparent to me as the heart-wrenching frustrations in each story resulting in such words were so overwhelming that I hardly noticed the harsh and sometimes foul words, normally foreign to me. (And in both cases, I listened to the book on CD driving to and from work over the course of a couple of weeks. I still consider them books that I "read").

I remember when this occurred as the world held it's breath for five long weeks, sending up prayers in many languages for Danny's safe return. He was a reporter and the South Asia Bureau chief for the Wall Street Journal. Danny put himself in harm's way to shed some light to the side of the news that might bring about world understanding. Instead, in this instance, it brought a type of horror that proved to be both universal and yet painfully personal for his wife, Mariane, who was pregnant with their first child, a son.

On January 23, 2002, on his way to what he thought was an interview at a village restaurant in Karachi, Pearl was kidnapped by the militant group, "The National Movement for the Restoration of Pakistani Sovereignty." This group claimed Danny (of Jewish heritage and an American) was a CIA agent. Before he left for the interview, he told Mariane that he might be late for dinner. He never returned.

Mariane's riveting account of realizing her husband was missing and working to help the authorities piece it all together, leading up to Danny's eventual and brutal murder will leave you forever changed. Mariane is also an award-winning journalist and shares a very detailed step-by-step account of what took place. Surprisingly, interwoven throughout every page of the book, is a love story so intimate, intense and tender that you'll find often yourself smiling and feeling very privileged to "know" these remarkable people, including those surrounding Mariane during this difficult time ... each with their own "mighty heart."

The book on CD is read by Mariane. You really need to concentrate to understand her as she was born of an Afro-Chinese-Cuban mother and Dutch-Jewish father in France. She is a practicing Buddist. Mariane was raised in Paris and has a very unique accent. It's a good thing that you have to listen so carefully as you want to catch every detail and no one else would ever be able to tell the story as she does. It's a story I shall not soon forget. It makes you grateful and also sad but leaves you in awe of the courage of so many of our brothers and sisters half-way around the world, especially Mariane, whose heart is every bit as mighty as her husband's.

Young @ Heart

Well, I'm home sick today and feeling pretty terrible (running a fever and chills, swollen glands, coughing, the whole bit). I toyed with the idea of writing a blog today but I'm just not up but I did want to recommend a WONDERFUL DVD that you all should rent (in fact, I think you should BUY it). It's an independent film that I saw months ago at a premiere and then it never really opened. I've been waiting for it to come out on DVD and it did a couple of weeks ago.

It's called "Young @ Heart" and is a delightful documentary of a senior citizen chorus (average age is around 80) that sings ROCK MUSIC and it is just plain fun. It shows them rehearsing and interviews them, etc. and shows several music videos in the making. I thought I would pee my pants when they were all in their wheelchairs cruising down the hospital corridor singing, "I want to be sedated." This group is TRULY young at heart. It will touch you in ways you never expected. I kept telling my husband about it and he was acting like it couldn't be that great. But when it came out and I bought it and brought it home, he LOVED it. I must warn you, in case it would bother you: one word from one line of lyrics said that word that starts with a "b" for a female dog ~ once ~ otherwise it is clean as a whistle and when they get a standing ovation from a group of prisoners, it brings tears to your eyes.


This sweet little chorus brightens the day for many and this DVD will brighten yours as well. I'm feeling so icky that I'm done ~ headed back to bed.

Take care. Love to all.
Blessings,
Stephanie

HELD OVER in Mesa ~ Emma Smith: My Story

Emma Smith: My Story has been held over a FOURTH week here in Mesa at the Riverview Cinemark 16. That will make it a month-long run when they were wondering if they could get a week or two from it. How exciting is that??? I SUGGEST YOU GO AGAIN and if you haven't gone yet... good grief!!! Get going!!!!!

This movie is LIFE-CHANGING! So, go see it (even if you've already been) before it leaves town. I have to tell you that all three times I’ve gone (and I’m planning on going at least once more)… the theater was quite full (even in the middle of the day) and each time everyone remained silent until the very end of the credits, just like the first time I saw it. No one moved, no one spoke. It was truly a wonderful experience… the good feeling it gives you lasts a very long time… go get another “fix” of excellence.

So, PLEASE GO... FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!!! I wouldn't lead you astray... this is one of the finest movies I have ever seen.

This post cross-posted at my wholesome movie blog: http://wholesomemoviemaven.blogspot.com/