Forty-three years and COUNTING!! Happy Anniversary to US!!

Today is Aug. 5th ~ 

43 years ago, at the tender age of 19 (I know, I look about 14 in my wedding pictures), with only a year and half of college under my belt, I made the most important decision of my life – I married James Alex Abney on August 5, 1970 in the Los Angeles LDS Temple for “Time and All Eternity.” The rest . . . as they say . . .  is history!

We met in a college (BYU) snowball fight in November of 1969, started dating the end of January, 1970, got engaged, April 20^th and married August 5^th (all accomplished in less than a year). Were we crazy or what? Luckily, things have turned out well. Not that it’s been all sugar and spice. It’s been darn hard, but for where we are today, so worth it.

Thought I would share the story of the bright flowered bridesmaid dresses; a story I don’t think many of my family members have heard over and over, if at all. 

Back in 1970 the style was for bridesmaids to all wear the same pastel color, floor-length empire style dress, usually made with flowing sheer rayon voile fabric. Nope. That would never work for me. I LOVE color – I mean I REALLY love lots of BRIGHT vibrant colors – just go to my Pinterest Board (Color Splash – I LOVE Color) and see what I mean.

My mom and I decided to go to the fabric district in L.A. so we could have a large selection. Holy Cow! Too many stores with rows and rows of fabric. It was dizzying. I told my mom that I at least wanted to find a floral voile fabric. She had her doubts but we began to search the shelves of material.

And then, it happened. My mom didn’t MEAN for it to happen. She was trying to make a joke. She saw a bolt of the brightest yellow fabric with crazy colored daisies (one of my favorite flowers) on it. Mom picked up the bolt, showed it to me and said, “Here you go. This one has flowers on it.”

My eyes lit up and I reached for the flowered material as my mother tried to snatch it back out of my grasp. “This is perfect, Mom! I LOVE it!!”

“Yes, but I was only kidding.”

“I’m not. Let’s buy the bolt.”

And THAT is how we got my very BRIGHT bridesmaid dresses. I think my sister was always secretly glad that she was the maid of honor, and as such, her dress was solid yellow (her favorite color) with only a band of the floral print. (And the band for the bridesmaids was solid yellow).

People went through our receiving line with their eyes WIDE open!! It was such fun!! I LOVE these dresses.

Fun dresses at the wedding are no guarantee, that’s for sure. We’ve had plenty of struggles, financially and otherwise. We buried our youngest son nearly 13 years ago when he was just 16. We’ve each buried both of our parents. In fact, for Jim – his dad, Kenneth Abney, died in a plane crash when he was only 9. Then his step-dad who had been part of his family since Jim was 11 died in 2000; same year as my dad, his mom and our son (my mom passed away at Christmas time in 1998). Those were all some challenging times. And there have been other things that might surprise someone looking in from their vantage point, but that’s just life. We’ve weathered lots of things but where we are today, is a very wonderful place to be. Many wonderful experiences as well to round out the edges of our life together. So, here’s to many more years with Jim. Cheers!!

Today we have been married FORTY-ONE years!!!

41 years ago, Jim and I were sealed in marriage for "Time and All Eternity" in the Los Angeles Temple. We're still kickin' and loving life. It's been good, bad, wonderful, hard, funny, sad ... you name it, but it has all been worth it and that's what matters. 

Here is a cinquain poem I wrote years ago - still applies: 

Comfort
Feeling secure
Where judgment has no place
Wrapped in the safety of your arms
Husband

Stephanie Abney ~   © 1998

I couldn't hope to "re-cap" 41 years so I posted what has emerged as our "theme song" ~ "Through the Years" by Kenny Rogers. Enjoy - I'll be busy ...

The Gift of Time

Today is my only sister’s birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAMILLE!! It is also my grandson’s birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELIAS!! They are decades apart but it has made me think about how birthdays come and birthdays go. What have we done with all the days in between our own birthdays?

Sunday is the birthday of one of my dear friends (Margaret) but they are going out of town this weekend. So today, one of Margaret’s daughters has set up a schedule of birthday visits unbeknownst to her. Brittany privately emailed all of her mom’s friends who live in the area and asked them to sign up for 30 minute blocks throughout the entire day to stop by and visit Margaret to celebrate her birthday. I’m curious to find out how Brittany made plans to keep her mom home as Margaret works outside of the home. (I’m guessing she made some sort of prearrangement with her mom’s boss) and the friends start coming first thing in the morning so Margaret will be up and ready for the day but she’s never going to make it to work. :)



Margaret and I are both busy moms and grandmas. We seldom find time to just visit anymore. Usually, a quick exchange at church and an occasional phone call have to suffice. However, when one or the other of us is really needed, we are there. When BJ had leukemia, Margaret made sure to stop by as often as she could and when he passed away, she was there helping non-stop, giving comfort, cleaning, even taking cherished pictures the day of the funeral. When her 2-year-old grandson died unexpectedly, we went right over to her house to be with them and offer comfort. We have also been to temple weddings of each others’ children, been over to hear mission calls read and attended Eagle Courts of Honor. We are the kind of friends who know we love each other even when we never seem to be able to get together during a normal week or even month (or two or three).

Today, I am going to have 30 minutes of my friend’s undivided attention. We can catch up on each other’s lives, share memories, tell funny grandchildren stories, laugh, hug, cry… whatever. I have decided that what Brittany has given her mother is the gift of time. Could there possibly be a better gift? And one that can be shared with so many?

I recall reading a book by Linda Eyre when I was a young mom and one year her husband gave her “Wednesdays for a year” for her birthday. He was able to arrange his schedule to be home on Wednesdays and he took full charge of the children and the house all day Wednesday. She was free to write, soak in the tub, leave the house and go visiting, to the movies, to the library, to the temple, whatever her heart desired. It was a remarkable, restorative gift.

I’m thinking Heavenly Father has also given us the gift of time. When we left his presence in the pre-existence, we were given an allotted amount of time to fulfill our earthly mission. We don’t always know exactly what that mission is (as I am sure we have many “missions” and they grow and change as our life and our service does the same) and we certainly don’t know how much time He has given us, but it is a splendid gift. Sadly, I have too many regrets on how I have squandered my time on unimportant things, usually justifying it as needed “downtime.” And we do all need some downtime, but after having recently taken Stephen R. Covey’s course on “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” I’ve been reflecting on how I use my time more than usual. I see the need for some course corrections, to be sure. I also try not to be too hard on myself as that can be counterproductive. However, the simplest change here and there, over time, can achieve the grandest results. We are taught “line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, and there a little, giving us consolation by holding forth that which is to come, confirming our hope!”

My hope for myself and all those reading this is that we can make even a few productive changes that will allow us to make better use of and thus have far better results with that most precious gift, the gift of time.

The Power of Showing Up

My husband, Jim, and I are a couple of “show-uppers.” We show up to just about everything and anything we are invited to, are expected to be to and even lots of places where no one thought we would be there. Life happens, of course. Sometimes we are double-booked, out of town, ill or a few times, just plain forget. Nevertheless, generally speaking, we show up. So do a lot of other people. I can’t help but notice a pattern, however. It seems in any given circle, it is pretty much the same people that show up.

The same teachers show up at afterschool events or meetings, the same people show up at ward temple day, welfare assignments, service projects, Eagle projects and Courts of Honor, convert baptisms and wedding receptions, particularly those that are really too far away (but the “show-uppers” will come anyway). They show up at kids’ performances (often when they are not even related), graduation parties, baby and bridal showers and more.

We are also “stay late and help clean-uppers.” Oh yeah, I married into a large bunch of stay late and help out folks. If we are at a wedding reception of someone we don’t even know that well and we happen to get there as it is ending, I can guarantee that the Abneys are not going home until the last table has been stripped of its cloth and decorations, the last chair has been stacked and the floor swept, if not mopped.

Am I bragging? No… just making an observation. It takes a big chunk out of your life to be a “show-upper.” Yet, I know from experience, that when we have an event, a talk to give or any other number of things that may involve others and we look out to see “so-and-so” and we KNEW they would be there… because they always “show up” and we knew we could count on them, there is something so sweet that washes over us. Everyone has fun, gets the work done, cheers the drama student or band member, finishes the Eagle project, does the temple work, supports the new church member, the new grad, the new bride or the new mom or whatever the event may be. Everyone is also enriched, either for having given or received. Everyone becomes closer, bonds of family and friends are strengthened. In this there is real, tangible power… something that adds to your own framework and rounds out the empty spots, fills in the gaps, brings out the smiles and creates value, love and blessings. Yep, I have a lot of gratitude for those who “show-up” and I’m proud to be counted among them because the blessings are a two-way street. It’s impossible to bless the lives of someone else without blessing your own life. You just have to “show-up.”

I laid down on a bed of nails

I guess you really can do anything... given the right reasons and/or the right circumstances. (I'll explain this more as we go along). I'm so tired that I think I'll be asleep for the night by 7:30 tonight. Slowly, we are making our way to the end of the school year and at my school we still have 10 actual days of school left (we come back after Memorial Day). What a journey this first year of teaching full-time has been, particularly at my age (58).

I've loved all the years of substitute teaching and now I have really enjoyed teaching full-time this year as well. I think I was truly supposed to be the teacher for some of these kids. I hope I have been able to give to them what they needed, as they certainly have given me what I've needed. Case in point: every morning I read to the children about someone remarkable and we talk about them and the traits that made that person so amazing so they can learn to model them. The last two days we have been reading about Albert Schweitzer. Anyway, when I finish reading, we discuss it a bit and write some traits and ideas on the board and the kids settle down to write a journal entry about it and then illustrate it. It's amazing what young children can come up with. So, this morning I was at my desk when all of a sudden one of my little 7-year-old boys quietly got out of his seat, walked up to my desk, stood right next to me, leaned his head on my shoulder until our heads were touching, gave me a little squeeze and then slipped back into his seat without saying a word. Yep, that's why I teach.

I've tried to make every day memorable for them. Tuesday was National Limerick Day so we learned about them and tried our hand at writing a couple of them. Yesterday we went to the Science Center and the Planetarium. Today is (in case you were wondering, and why wouldn't you be????) National Dance Like a Chicken Day, so we had a reading comprehension on dancing like a chicken and then I put on a CD with the music, and the whole class did the Chicken Dance. Sat. is the anniversary of the day that Root Beer was invented so tomorrow we are having root beer floats. And so it goes, there is always something to celebrate ~ I see to it. I live my own life trying to celebrate each day. Some days I'm more successful than others.

Back to the Bed of Nails... if you didn't read the title, bet I caught you by surprise!! At the Science Center yesterday, there was a "Bed of Nails" ~ 1,000 of them to be exact, all sharp, but all PERFECTLY lined up. The theory is that if you have all these nails to support and distribute your weight, it doesn't hurt. This is true. I have PLENTY of weight to support and I laid down on it twice and it didn't hurt. Every nail was exactly where it was supposed to be; none of them were trying to be in the limelight and stick up higher or be all insecure and be lower than they should be. Each nail did its part. I found it interesting. Lots of analogies there... every member of a family, a ward, a class, etc. etc. fulfilling their part and being there to support each other. Pretty cool. So, if you've read this far, I guess you deserve proof. So, here it is:

*You gotta' love that stupid sign that says "300-pound weight limit" right under me ~ but I didn't need to worry ~ I'm not there yet!!!!!!!!!

Kind of makes me want to head off to bed now. Nighty night!! Enjoy!

Communication at the Speed of Light

We are busy people… probably TOO busy. Yet, I haven’t a clue what I could possibly leave out since there are so many things that I feel like I should do, that I seldom find time to do. So, whenever we have lessons at chruch on gratitude and people raise their hands with all of the obvious answers of being grateful for love, family, gospel, prophets, temples, freedom, and so on, I say a hardy, “Amen.” And then I raise my hand and tell everyone that I am grateful modern electronic technology. That’s the absolute truth. I do it every time. I LOVE email, blogs, cell phones, voicemail, online photo albums, FACEBOOK, Classmates.com and the like. I’ve even learned how to text.

The thing that I love best about all of the above is that I can use them completely on my own terms and my own timetable. I read my email (and reply) when it suits me. The same applies for voicemail or checking out my FACEBOOK pages. And while I was sleeping, or teaching or traveling or whatever… someone left me a message or a link or some information that I need or want and when I get to where and/or when I want to look at it or listen to it, I am free to do so, even if it is in the middle of the night!

When our son, BJ, was so ill with leukemia, there were well over a hundred people who wanted to know how he was doing. Blogs did not yet exist as that would have been the best, I think. But I used email to stay in touch with everyone, even people in my own family, neighborhood and ward. It made it so that I did not have to repeat all the details over and over (which I could have never endured) and everyone knew what was happening, how they could help, what prayers were needed, etc. The support that poured in and enveloped us like a comfortable quilt carried us through the most difficult days of our lives. I wrote everything out once (which became my only journal of those times) and I clicked on all of the addresses and “poof” people all over the country (and even a couple out of the country) were thinking of us and our sweet BJ. I cannot tell you how much their reply emails helped us on several different levels.

From Classmates.com I reconnected with a few of my dearest friends in high school… and thirty years after our glory days, we met up in Hawaii for eight days of heaven on earth. We all remain in touch today and wish for matching schedules that would allow us to go to Hawaii again!

I’ve hooked up with former classmates, ward members and friends from the past through FACEBOOK and find it useful in keeping up with all of them (including family members). I also think part of the spirit of Elijah is being fulfilled as connection after connection occurs all over the world. ~ "Malachi 4: 5 Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD; 6 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers..." It’s a wonderful thing.

So, yes, I’m grateful for electronic technology. However, it can’t take the place of the personal touch. Just yesterday I went visiting teaching and gave my sister a card that read on the cover, “In this fast-paced, busy world, when you need friend, just pick up the phone and call me…”

Inside it said: “And leave a message after the beep.”

The Missionary Puzzle

Saturday night I spoke in the adult session of Stake Conference. If you already heard me speak this might not interest you or then again, maybe it might because I included a couple things I MEANT to say but since I didn't look at my paper that much, I forgot and wish I hadn't but I can't "go there" ~ just need to feel that how I said it was what was needed overall). I had ten minutes and used it all up. IF I wasn't so busy (ANWA writers conference all that day, etc.) AND IF I wasn't such a procrastinator and had actually practiced it a time or two before stake conference, I would have been able to actually give it the way I wanted but whatever... I'd love your feedback anyway.

So, here’s a VERY condensed version of my talk:

I teach 2nd grade and my students love to do puzzles. It’s more fun to do them with someone and as each person places their piece in the correct spot and a picture unfolds, it can be very gratifying.

When I was told the topic was “Missionary Work” because they had heard great things about me, I was quite surprised and wondered if I had ever really been very successful as a missionary. Then the Lord showed me my kids doing puzzles and that I’m a piece of the puzzle. Just like the kids, you might not see the results with those early pieces… but as each one adds their piece to the table it’s easy to see that more than one person has a piece to offer. And even more importantly, sometimes it’s almost impossible to fit a particular piece in until some of the surrounding pieces are in place.

Missionary work is a puzzle. [I then went on to tell about Sun Wei’s visit from China and taking her to church, the visitor’s center, home teaching, and how she used her pocket translator to read the Ensign, etc.]. As part of her “American Experience” I was allowed to “expose” her to our religion, and so I “exposed” her! She didn’t want to leave. She wanted to stay with us and enjoy “typical American life” because she "liked it very much." I think it was the spirit that she was feeling.

[I also told about experiences I had when I was a “Stake Missionary” WAY BACK WHEN. I had a sister companion in the ward. Our calling was to the less active sisters ~ there were 11 of them in our ward and they became our visiting teaching beat – YES, 11 sisters].

As we got to know these sisters I came to realize that they were the hidden treasures of the ward. They were wonderful and talented women. We began to lay down our puzzle pieces.

One sister loved old Westerns so out of the blue I suggested a slumber party. The three of us spent the night at her house, stayed up watching old Westerns, eating junk food and had a wonderful time. We kidnapped her for breakfast on her birthday, gave her a “year supply” box for a gift. (Turned out to be 12 bags of black jelly beans, her favorite, each bag labeled by month). She got a kick out of that.

We “heart-attacked” the front yard of another sister on her birthday and hid in the bushes to see her surprise until the automatic sprinklers turned on! So much fun!!

[I spoke of other experiences with other women and some neighbors - too detailed to share here].

Little by little, as we added our puzzle pieces and got to know these sisters it became easier to see where another piece might fit. And for many of these sisters we may never know if their puzzle is yet complete. But the important thing is that we put our piece on the table.

It’s sad when wards divide and you think you will have the same amount of contact with the ward members as before (especially when no one even moved) but more often than not we get busy with our new ward and new callings and except for a quick hello at stake functions, don’t see each other very much.

But today, I see one of those sisters as our ward leaves the building and hers enters. Was I the reason she chose to return to church activity? No, but I was a piece of the puzzle. Many other people added their puzzle pieces over the years.

Another sister whose teenage son we taught told us firmly this was his passion and she would not be participating, so we just became friends instead. Later her younger son also joined and both served missions, adding their puzzle pieces. She is now a baptized member with a temple recommend. She was surrounded by wonderful neighbors who also added their puzzle pieces long after the ward divided.

One day we had a knock on the door. “Hi. I’m Jesse. Do you remember me? I used to live across the street. I’m 23 now and have moved back to AZ. I always remembered your family and how it felt to be in your home and I joined the church a year ago.”

And so the puzzles go… In closing, I’d like to suggest some puzzle pieces that you don’t want to overlook: Have fun; make friends; follow the spirit and sometimes, you have to try another way to fit the piece into the puzzle. Just don’t be the piece that’s missing! Bring your piece to the table of missionary work and see a beautiful life come together… now… or sometime in the future.

I put down my puzzle pieces and forever changed and enriched my life. Got a puzzle piece? Wanna’ play?

So much fun... and then she was gone!! (Sun, Wei)

I've been meaning to write a follow up to Sun Wei's visit but have been so busy. But having her here was such fun. After staying here for ten days, Sun Wei and her students went on to L.A., Boston, and N.Y. and then returned to China. She said she didn't even want to visit those cities and would rather stay with us and enjoy "typical American Life" as she "liked it very much."

Before she left, she attended all 3 hours of church with us and we took her to the visitor's center where she saw the Christus and the words were in Chinese for her and I called ahead and reserved a theater where they showed "The Restoration" in Chinese with (English subtitles). Afterwards I gave her a Chinese Book of Mormon.

She was familiar with the Christian religion as her grandmother reads the Bible and has told her stories from it. As far as the LDS church goes, probably not much will happen now that she's back in her country but at least I exposed her to the gospel. And from her comments throughout the time she spent with us there is no doubt she felt the spirit. Sun Wei is so adorable (27 years old). She and all of her students are only children and she loved all the family things we did. I think the reason she wanted to stay was because she felt the spirit in our home.

Over half of the students who came with her were also placed in LDS homes. It was great experience. A few weeks ago we had the missionaries over for dinner. I told them all about Sun Wei (whom they had met while she was here as they frequent our house). Then Jim said he told about all I had done in his High Council meeting the night before because they were discussing missionary work. One of the high councilmen, who used to be our bishop, said, "When I was a bishop, Stephanie Abney was the best missionary we ever had." I look at my life now and wonder where that woman went. Guess I need to work on that!!!

I'm grateful that the Lord knows what different experiences we need and that the world is not really so big after all. When all is said and done, we are all His children and there is only room for love, understanding and respect.

Culture Charm

Some of you may know that we have been hosting a teacher from China in our home this week. She teaches at a high school in Beijing. Her name is Sun, Wei and she is 27 years old, about the age of our daugher, Kaci.

We really had no idea what to expect. She and nine of her students are here for 10 days visiting our school, Eagle’s Aerie, in Gilbert, AZ, a K-12 Charter School. Each of the students is being hosted by a family from the school except for one who is staying with friends of a family from the school. They are all extremely polite and sweet, eager to participate in typical American high school life.

It has been so delightful to have Sun, Wei stay here with us. She is very charming and her English is extremely good. We have not had any trouble communicating. A few times we each had to try a few other ways to explain something but in the end we understood each other. She teaches Chinese. At first I thought that was odd and then I instantly remembered all the English classes I have taken in high school and college and it made perfect sense.

Sun, Wei chose an American name to go by, Karen, but I enjoy using her Chinese name. She arrived Sunday night, visited briefly with us and being very tired from her journey, went to bed early. She has been riding to and from school with me and spends her day either with her students or visiting other classes and answering numerous questions from our students. Since Monday was a holiday, a field trip to the Science Museum and the Diamondback Stadium was planned for the Chinese students. I picked her up afterwards and she attended her first “family picnic” at the park. Some of our family members got together for fun and ham sandwiches and all that goes with it. Sun, Wei got sandwiched out that day as she also ate her first peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I packed for her field trip and then ham sandwiches at the picnic. She and all of her students are “only” children, as is the current custom of China because the government is concerned about their large population. She seems to enjoy seeing photos of and hearing about our large family.



We have had lots of laughs while she has been here. Yesterday was the “All-School Hike” up South Mountain at Fat Man’s Pass. We also went to a “Teacher’s Party” at our local Barnes and Noble yesterday after school. I won 3 prizes, including a globe of the world, by being the first to answer questions about children’s literature. Sun, Wei won one of the free raffle prizes and when we got home, she told Jim, “I didn’t have to answer any questions for my prize. I’m lucky.” Afterwards we went to Ocean Blue and tasted almost every flavor of frozen yogurt they offer. She had never tasted any before. She graciously treated me to a cup of yogurt once we decided on our favorites.

Tuesday night we stopped at “Moki’s Hawaiian Grill” for dinner and she seemed to like the food and last night we picked up take-out at “Panda’s Express”. She laughed when she told me how one of our students asked one of her students if they ate at “Panda’s.” The Chinese student misunderstood the question to be: “Do you eat Pandas?” He answered, rather alarmed, “No! We do not eat Pandas. They are protected.”

Tonight I will fix a typical American meal and she will have several more opportunities to eat what we eat while she is here and she will also cook for us one night. There are several things I have thought would be fun to do with her here but she is still struggling with jet lag and we were told not to do things that were very different from our normal routine so they can experience life in America.

Last night when we got home, Jim was already home and the door was locked. She went to open the door, found it locked and looked a little surprised at me so I couldn’t resist and as I unlocked the door, I said, “Jim is scared.” She got my joke and laughed. In fact, we have made several jokes together and have understood them well. After dinner we watched “American Idol.” Sun, Wei was familiar with it and enjoyed watching it with us. She has been very respectful of us, our home, our belongings and has been the perfect guest. She has bowed her head with us when we have prayed over our food. The first time I prayed over a meal, she looked at me and said, “You are thankful.”

Tonight we will attend a benefit concert at our school, put on by staff and students but the star of the concert is Mr. Gary Gjersted, one of our music teachers, who is also blind. When I asked her if she noticed one of our teachers was blind, she said she had. I went on to say that he plays the piano beautifully to which she responded thoughtfully, “Oh, yes, God is fair. He takes his sight but gives him the piano.”

We have found, which I think is always the case with people meeting for the first time (no matter where they are from), that we are more alike than we are different. I thought of several things to call this blog entry from “Culture Shock” to “Cultures Collide” but none of those would have been accurate. Yes, I think “Culture Charm” is the best title. I know she has enjoyed her stay thus far; she is always taking pictures and we have enjoyed her. We have become good friends and how charming is that? Very!!

Young @ Heart

Well, I'm home sick today and feeling pretty terrible (running a fever and chills, swollen glands, coughing, the whole bit). I toyed with the idea of writing a blog today but I'm just not up but I did want to recommend a WONDERFUL DVD that you all should rent (in fact, I think you should BUY it). It's an independent film that I saw months ago at a premiere and then it never really opened. I've been waiting for it to come out on DVD and it did a couple of weeks ago.

It's called "Young @ Heart" and is a delightful documentary of a senior citizen chorus (average age is around 80) that sings ROCK MUSIC and it is just plain fun. It shows them rehearsing and interviews them, etc. and shows several music videos in the making. I thought I would pee my pants when they were all in their wheelchairs cruising down the hospital corridor singing, "I want to be sedated." This group is TRULY young at heart. It will touch you in ways you never expected. I kept telling my husband about it and he was acting like it couldn't be that great. But when it came out and I bought it and brought it home, he LOVED it. I must warn you, in case it would bother you: one word from one line of lyrics said that word that starts with a "b" for a female dog ~ once ~ otherwise it is clean as a whistle and when they get a standing ovation from a group of prisoners, it brings tears to your eyes.


This sweet little chorus brightens the day for many and this DVD will brighten yours as well. I'm feeling so icky that I'm done ~ headed back to bed.

Take care. Love to all.
Blessings,
Stephanie

My Belated Memorial Day

Reposted here from a blog I wrote at ANWA Founder and Friends (a writer's group blog)

"Memorial ~ remembrance of a person or an event”

For whatever strange reason, Memorial Day was difficult for me this year. My love and admiration for those passed on never ceases but my moods do tend to come and go, without the slightest warning. For the first time in over 30 years, I did not join the rest of the extended family in decorating the graves and these days, we have a lot of graves to go to. We meet at row 5 of the Mesa Cemetery (dozens of cousins and aunts and uncles and children and grandchildren ~ we are quite a large crowd when we show up) and moving across each row like this giant wave of humanity, stopping at grave after grave to clean up the headstone and leave flowers, we end up at row 12 where our precious BJ is. (And although we can visit Jim’s parents’ graves, mine are both buried at Forest Lawn in Hollywood, CA and I’ve only been able to visit their graves once since they passed away 8 and 10 years ago).

I haven’t been to the Mesa cemetery for a few months, but I hope to make it tomorrow. I think I just need to sit by my son's grave, alone… and I haven't been able to go yet. Odd... it's been almost eight years and I've always gone to decorate the graves but this year I wasn't up to it and I’ve been in a “mood” ever since. My work has suffered; totally missed a deadline for 2 articles. All the interviewing was done, the photos acquired and yet I sat at the computer and just nothing came.

I think part of it is going to so many of BJ’s friends' wedding receptions or missionary talks when they return over the last couple of years. I don't know. I wouldn’t miss being there for any of them and am grateful their families always remember to invite us, but sometimes I just get sad that it’s never BJ striding up the airport walkway, grinning from ear to ear, and that he’s not the one at the pulpit telling of his remarkable experiences (although I don’t doubt for a minute that he has been serving a mission all these years and has many marvelous stories to tell). He would be 24 years old this September. He was our youngest, our baby and 2 months after his sixteenth birthday, he was gone. And I miss him every moment of every day.

My daughter, Kaci, needed me to drive my 3 oldest granddaughters (ages 10, 12, & 14) halfway to her house in Coolidge (her husband left this afternoon for scout camp and the girls are going to help her with her two little toddlers). On the way we played silly word games, like “I’m going on a trip to Alaska and I packed…” each of us taking turns over and over, always repeating all the previous items, adding to the list alphabetically. It was such fun and I remembered how blessed I am to have these wonderful grandchildren in my life (I have 14 total so far).

We met Kaci halfway and she presented me with a belated Mother’s Day gift… a framed picture of each of her little girls and one of their sweet family with a word under each photo: “Live, Laugh, Love” and I remembered how lucky I am.

Then I did some errands (should have gotten out of the house more this week) and just getting things done for Jim that he didn’t have time to do made me remember the partnership we have shared (and built with such effort) for nearly 38 years and I remembered how loved I am.

And lastly, I attended Liz Adair’s workshop tonight ~ “Using Family History in Fiction.” It was awesome and so helpful and as she taught us, I remembered my honorable heritage.

So, today was my day for remembrance, not Sunday night when our family decorated the graves or even Monday when we had the family over to dinner (which was fun but I still felt ‘lost’ even with everyone there). No, today, I remembered; it was my belated Memorial Day and for me, it was just what I needed. The Lord is merciful (and patient) indeed. Today, I found myself again. I’m feeling much better and tomorrow I will go and take my blanket and my Native American Flute that BJ loved so much and I’ll tell him about stuff that I’m sure he already knows and I’ll play my flute and I’ll remember… and be glad.

Happy Belated Memorial Day!!

P.S. Since I'm posting this to my blog (a few days later) from another blog for writers that I write on twice a month, I can add this P.S. I did go to the cemetary and sat by BJ's grave and talked to him and played my flute. It was very hot out but I didn't notice; the warmth felt good... I'm doing fine now.

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http://anwafounder.blogspot.com/2008/05/my-belated-memorial-day.html