The Beauty of Friendship

So, the day is nearly over and I am thinking about friendship for several reasons today; three in particular. 

One, we went to the AZ State Fair with our dear friends, Ike & Diane Hathcock. Both of our families have been busy raising kids for many years but tonight we went just by ourselves and we were all able to get in at the SENIOR price (Sorry, Diane!! Ha ha ~ you only have to be 55 to get a discount at the fair). So, for $5 bucks each and the price of some food, etc., we had a great time. We have known the Hathcocks for 27 years (lived across the street from each other all these years - our kids grew up together; well, we had a head start and now their youngest is a senior in High School - ours have been out of the house for awhile). Their friendship is priceless.

Two, while we were at the fair we ran into a sweet friend of mine, MaryEllen Simmons, (amazing mom of a bazillion kids - okay - that number may be too high - but she had a bunch and fostered about 10 times that many over the years). She's a fun lady who can see the humor in the most trying of situations and a talented writer and crafter. She's been a delight to know and now she works at the fair helping young people share their talents in the large exhibit hall under the coliseum that she is in charge of. Just seeing her brought back so many memories and made me smile. I love friends that are always friends even when you don't see them that often (of course, FaceBook has gone a long way in keeping friendships alive when you don't have frequent contact). 

Third, when we came home, there was a lovely little bouquet of "BJ's Flowers" waiting at the door, left by my sweet friend, Kathy Thompson. When our youngest son, BJ (Brian James Abney) passed away 11 years ago after a five and a half year battle with leukemia, the Relief Society sisters prepared a luncheon after the funeral for our family and close friends, as is the custom in our church. On the tables were small pots of little yellow flowers (still not SURE what kind they are - Kathy is pretty sure they are mini mums, but they have this BROWN center that makes me wonder - anyway, not's that important - they are darling). When the luncheon was over, Kathy took a couple of pots and planted them in her yard and despite not having the best of luck with most plants - these little guys flourished. The following year, and every year thereafter, on or around Nov. 8th (the day we lost BJ) she has brought me a small vase of "BJ's Flowers." There are a few more interesting details but they aren't needed for this post. My main point is that she could be so thoughtful and caring to do something like this that reminds me each year of my precious son.

The examples of friendship throughout my life and especially during BJ's illness and passing are beyond anything you could imagine. I have been SO BLESSED in this regard. And I'm lucky to have such great friends. I know they care about us and that's why they have been so wonderful but I also know that they care about the Lord and because they love Him, they also love me and mine. It's a beautiful thing and so tonight, as always, I'm grateful to have such remarkable friends. You're probably one of them if you are reading this!!

Think about your friends and a favorite memory. And then, call them up, remind them of it and tell them how happy you are to be friends. You'll both be glad you did!

Day 29 – Let's Write a 5 W’s Poem

Day 29 – 5 W’s Poem 

This is an obvious poem, but can be a sweet one, or a silly one, or a serious one, depending on what you fill in. This poem answers the 5 W’s: Who, What, Where, When & Why.

I suggest you go to the Instant Poetry Maker on this one (it will include your punctuation for you when you click on the box “Create My Instant 5W Poem Now!” button. 

(Tomorrow is our last day)

Here is the link: Instant 5W poem creator  (it also has an example)

Below is the one I wrote inspired by a Christmas I will never forget for so many reasons. Christmas was my mom’s all-time favorite holiday and we lost her to pancreatic cancer exactly one week before Christmas of 1998. I was in California all month with my mom, dad and sister. (The rest of the family joined us for the funeral and we buried mom 2 days before Christmas). Back in Mesa, while I was gone, BJ didn’t have any money but wanted to make me a gift. I collect nativities so he decided to make one, from scratch, without a pattern, except for the vision in his head. He had leukemia and was given a freestanding woodworking workshop with electricity and power tools as his wish from “Make-A-Wish” and so he set out to create the most memorable nativity of my collection of about 50 nativities. It is so precious, as was he. Two years later, BJ lost his battle with cancer too. I cherish every reminder of who he was, what he stood for and how he loved. This one is most precious.

Brian James Abney
Made his mom a wooden nativity,
In his "Make-A-Wish" woodworking workshop,
For Christmas in 1998 when he was 14 years old,
Because he loved his mom and she collects them.

                            © 2011 Stephanie Abney

Day 21 - Let's Write a Rictameter Poem

Day 21 ~ Let’s Write a Rictameter Poem

 

OK, another poem that focuses on the number of syllables per line. It doesn't matter if they rhyme of not. The rictameter form of poetry was created in the early 1990s by two cousins, Jason D. Wilkins and Richard W. Lunsford, Jr., both poets who were inspired by the Robin Williams' movie, "Dead Poet's Society."
 

A rictameter is a nine line poetry form. The 1st and last lines are the same with the syllable count as follows:

• line 1 - 2 syllables - same as line 9
• line 2 - 4 syllables
• line 3 - 6 syllables
• line 4 - 8 syllables
• line 5 - 10 syllables
• line 6 - 8 syllables
• line 7 - 6 syllables
• line 8 - 4 syllables
• line 9 - 2 syllables - same as line 1 

~~~~~~ For a sample I wrote a simple little rictameter poem about my son, BJ, who passed away at the age of 16, after a 5 1/2 year battle with leukemia in 2000 ~~~~~~~

On Missing My Son

 Happy

Joy in each day

What great times we all had

Getting through the good and the bad

And then, my happiness was gone, like you

Your body too weak for this world

Until we meet again

Never to part

Happy

© 2011 Stephanie Abney

Here's a link those of you who are getting serious about writing poetry might enjoy:
Poetry Dances ~ Popular Poetry Styles

OK, YOUR TURN!!!

“Home” is knowing your way around

I am away from “home” as I write this. I am at my sister’s house in Southern Utah surrounded by red rock and looking over a magnificient view of the valley. I’m very comfortable in my sister’s home. I know where everything is and how she likes things done. I came to help her out for about a week because she just had surgery. I spent 14 hours at the hospital yesterday; first in the waiting area and later in Camille’s hospital room.

Being in the hospital brought back many memories of all the days and even weeks I spent at Phoenix Children’s Hospital with BJ during the years of his illness. We never left him alone there for more than the 30 minutes it might take me to shower or go get something to eat. If I needed a longer break, someone would come and spell me. I even slept in his room in a chair that was supposed to turn into a comfortable bed (it wasn’t). I became very familiar with the hospital during those times. I knew the best floor to find a shower room available, the back stairs down to the cafeteria, where the treats were that I was free to go and get for my son, which floor had what kinds of patients and I was well known among the nurses and staff. I often had people bring me veggies that I would steam in the microwave and managed to create delicious and aromatic meals. We had a stack of movies and games and spent hours together, when BJ was up to it. Other times I would read. BJ’s engaging personality had a stream of visitors and staff members in his room most of the time. Being there for extended periods strangely evolved into a feeling of “family.” It even became our “home away from home.” I knew my way around the hospital only too well.

Other places over the years have been our “home away from home.” When our children were young we used to go camping at a family reunion for nearly a week each summer. The tents were set up, cooking and eating places created and sleeping bags were unrolled. I even went so far as to create an enclosed stall out of PVC pipes and shower curtains for our porta-potty. We had it down to a routine. We knew how it worked and nestled into our temporary “home.”

A delightful “home” was created in a small cabin on a cruise ship when Jim and I discovered the Mexican Rivera for eight days. Our belongings were unpacked, meal schedules memorized and it wasn’t long before we had a routine going. For eight glorious days we knew our way around that ship; it was ‘home.”

Visiting family, traveling, even being diplaced for unexpected emergencies, it is human nature to nest, to figure out how things work wherever we are and to settle in. This is why I titled my blog, “Home is knowing your way around.” Once we are close enough to a situation or a location to know our way around, we become more at ease and start to “feel at home.” There is much truth in the familiar sayings, “Home is where the heart is,” or “Home is where you hang your hat.” I think any place where we feel welcomed, comfortable and can learn our way around begins to feel like “home.”

This brings me to my final thought: I hope and pray that when the time comes that I really go home, to that Father who created me, that somehow I will have done enough. My motives are pure, but there is so much that I never seem to get to … I only hope that whatever I have managed to accomplish, it will be sufficient to have the Savior, in His mercy, take me in His open arms and say, “Welcome Home.” And I pray also, that I will know my way around well enough to know that I have finally come home.

Eight Years and Still Growing

Growing Pains ~ interesting concept. Growth is inevitable, but not always easy. I looked in the scriptures and the people grew in strength and wisdom as well as in iniquity… kind of depended where their heart was.

I have a wonderful reminder of the constancy, hope and joy of growth on my kitchen table. Last Saturday was the eight anniversary of the passing of our sweet BJ from this life to the next. The tables at his funeral luncheon had little potted flowers on them and one of my dear friends, Kathy Thompson, took some home and planted them. Like me, Kathy doesn’t have much luck in growing plants, but these little flowers have continued to flourish. She calls them “BJ’s flowers.” They were planted in November and blossom each year in time for her to bring me a bouquet of them on November 8th. It’s a tradition I have cherished and appreciated.

Loving all kinds of flowers, but knowing only the names of a few, I had no idea the name of this flower. Last night we had our ANWA (writer's group) chapter meeting at my home and Ceil commented on the beautiful “Black-eyed Susans” I had on my table. Oh, wow, now I know… so this morning I looked them up on the Internet and sure enough, that is exactly what my little plant looks like.

Here’s the interesting part (and it’s pretty cool ~ just a reminder that Heavenly Father knows his children and does the most amazing things to show it) ~ these plants are supposed to bloom from June to August each year and yet BJ’s flowers bloom in November (of course, here in Arizona, November can still be rather warm). Then, the research nut that I am, I kept looking and you won’t believe what I found out about the ‘healing” properties of BJ’s flowers:

The Black-Eyed Susan helps to bring painful memories to light allowing inner healing to begin. In “flower essence therapy” this flower assists individuals in shedding deep burdens that are weighing them down emotionally.

Well, this is about all I can share right now as I have to leave for school soon ~ but I hope you can get the gist of all I wanted to share in how his plant continues to bloom each year and how a dear friend thought of doing that for us and what a sweet reminder it is of a very special young man who has changed our lives forever.

Have a blessed day!!

In My Heart Forever

This is a tender time to be blogging ~ tomorrow would have been BJ's 24th birthday and I know he would have grown up to be such a fine man. I miss him all the time. Some times are harder than others... but I had the sweetest experience that I would like to share. If you've read anything anywhere that I've posted lately: on this blog, ANWA's blog or via email, then you know I'm teaching full-time this year (after many years of substitute teaching). I'm 57 years old and a little nuts to boot. But I do love it. The kids are great and they crack me up... not that there haven't been a few "moments" when I wondered why I wanted to do this. But, mostly, it's been truly gratifying... but also, OVERWHELMING as I have such varied abilities in my class of 6, 7, 8 and even a 9 year old. I've tried so many approaches to reach all of them from where they are at so we can build on it and keep on going. Some things have worked out well and others, well... not so much.

Seems no matter how hard I've tried (and no matter how many HOURS I've spent preparing, or how much $$$$ I've spent) I have felt frustrated that I just am not getting there yet... so on Sunday, I asked Jim for a priesthood blessing. He gave me one after church and although he was the only other person in the room and the only one with his hands on my head as he pronounced the blessing, he continually said, "WE bless you... and WE bless you..." (with this and that...). I felt like someone else was there but no one was physically. When he was done (and the blessing was very sweet and helpful - but I'm still trying to figure a lot of stuff out), anyway, I asked him about saying "we" throughout the blessing" and he simply said, "None of it was my own words, Stephanie... I just said what the Lord told me to." And then I realized, that it was BJ who was helping him give me the blessing and I asked him what he thought. Jim agreed; it must have been BJ. I felt even more comforted by the blessing and Monday was quite good... but I'm still figuring things out.

At any rate, we usually have a family party on BJ's birthday and even get a cake that says, "Happy Heavenly Birthday" or something like that... however, tomorrow night is the 50's dance at school and I guess that's where we are headed and Saturday is our ward talent show... maybe Sunday we can do something special for his birthday.

So, tomorrow, I'll think of BJ but I'll be at school most of his birthday. I thought I would share a little cinquain poem I wrote a year before BJ passed away and then I'll head to bed. Take care.

Children

A gift from God

Grace our lives for a time

Remain in our hearts forever

Precious

Stephanie Abney ~ © 1999